Great post! As a gay man, I find for-woman-by-woman "gay" romances such as Heartstopper and Red, White and Royal Blue rather alienating (although I have to admit that there are plenty of gay men who lap up these fantasies). Perhaps gay men should feel flattered that women find our relative ease with sexual and gender fluidity so aspirational? It also seems to me that the audience for drag is skewing more and more female.
Thank you! Fantasy/wish fulfillment content is not my cup either, I find it worrisome that alternatives aren't allowed a proper chance to flourish, but that seems to be a bigger industry problem in general.
"A theory I find interesting is that of, “eroticizing equality,” the concept that versatile gay men represent an equal relationship with no inherent expectations."
Hadn't considered this before; the idea of not necessarily looking at the gay male relationship as erotic, but being envious of or living vicariously through people who have the fearlessness, authenticity, etc, that they want.
I find it particularly applicable because the erotic/sexual is not a constant---the majority of fanfiction is not actually explicit (!) Which suggests there's more behind the desire to focus on those relationship dynamics.
I just wrote on this topic in my article Making the Dolls Kiss! There's something to the popularity of M/M fanfictions relating to the 'gay best friend' stereotype. What is it about gay men that is easier to commodify?
I could be wrong, but I really attribute the massive rise/mainstreaming of slash partly as a result of it being good for business. People don't like the term "queer baiting" but it's kind of the only word I can think of for what a lof of businesses/officials engage in. We saw this with Misha Collins being told to let people believe he was bi because it was "good for the show" -- and boyband ship feeding.
Lmao definitely one of the odd women that is the target audience for this stuff. I'm asexual, but I fit in VERY well with queer communities, and I certainly enjoyed a lot of "slash" fics growing up. In fact, I remember having no real interest in dating as a teenager, but an obsession with slash fics lol. I'm also really into drag, like more than nost gay men I know. I think there's just something more fun and life-affirming about gay romance and sex compared to hetero stuff. Still not sure what it is. But I noticed that when I do like seeing a straight romance on screen, it's usually in the form of a musical, which is still pretty gay lmao.
Honestly, to the extent that I'm exposed to REALLY straight, hetero culture, that's all been post-lockdown and simply a result of needing to ally myself with a lot of conservatives and move to South Dakota to be accepted after deciding not to get vaccinated in 2021. So in 2019, I was a regular at gay bars, did the Drag March, etc. Now I DJ straight weddings lol. I like the part of straight culture where the relationship is already established and there's a big party and I'm getting paid, but I hate dabbling in straight dating myself. It just feels like no matter how I approach it, it's kind of a wet blanket on doing whatever I want all the time lmao. NYC dating where everything was total chaos and no one wanted a family anyways didn't feel like that-- it kind of felt like even the heteros were gay lol.
I definitely get what you're saying-- I think for me, it's definitely been the "equality" part where there's no inherent-gendered expectations because I very much do *not* like slash with super-imposed gender roles.
Great post! As a gay man, I find for-woman-by-woman "gay" romances such as Heartstopper and Red, White and Royal Blue rather alienating (although I have to admit that there are plenty of gay men who lap up these fantasies). Perhaps gay men should feel flattered that women find our relative ease with sexual and gender fluidity so aspirational? It also seems to me that the audience for drag is skewing more and more female.
Thank you! Fantasy/wish fulfillment content is not my cup either, I find it worrisome that alternatives aren't allowed a proper chance to flourish, but that seems to be a bigger industry problem in general.
Definitely noticed that with drag as well.
"A theory I find interesting is that of, “eroticizing equality,” the concept that versatile gay men represent an equal relationship with no inherent expectations."
Hadn't considered this before; the idea of not necessarily looking at the gay male relationship as erotic, but being envious of or living vicariously through people who have the fearlessness, authenticity, etc, that they want.
I find it particularly applicable because the erotic/sexual is not a constant---the majority of fanfiction is not actually explicit (!) Which suggests there's more behind the desire to focus on those relationship dynamics.
I just wrote on this topic in my article Making the Dolls Kiss! There's something to the popularity of M/M fanfictions relating to the 'gay best friend' stereotype. What is it about gay men that is easier to commodify?
I could be wrong, but I really attribute the massive rise/mainstreaming of slash partly as a result of it being good for business. People don't like the term "queer baiting" but it's kind of the only word I can think of for what a lof of businesses/officials engage in. We saw this with Misha Collins being told to let people believe he was bi because it was "good for the show" -- and boyband ship feeding.
Lmao definitely one of the odd women that is the target audience for this stuff. I'm asexual, but I fit in VERY well with queer communities, and I certainly enjoyed a lot of "slash" fics growing up. In fact, I remember having no real interest in dating as a teenager, but an obsession with slash fics lol. I'm also really into drag, like more than nost gay men I know. I think there's just something more fun and life-affirming about gay romance and sex compared to hetero stuff. Still not sure what it is. But I noticed that when I do like seeing a straight romance on screen, it's usually in the form of a musical, which is still pretty gay lmao.
Honestly, to the extent that I'm exposed to REALLY straight, hetero culture, that's all been post-lockdown and simply a result of needing to ally myself with a lot of conservatives and move to South Dakota to be accepted after deciding not to get vaccinated in 2021. So in 2019, I was a regular at gay bars, did the Drag March, etc. Now I DJ straight weddings lol. I like the part of straight culture where the relationship is already established and there's a big party and I'm getting paid, but I hate dabbling in straight dating myself. It just feels like no matter how I approach it, it's kind of a wet blanket on doing whatever I want all the time lmao. NYC dating where everything was total chaos and no one wanted a family anyways didn't feel like that-- it kind of felt like even the heteros were gay lol.
I definitely get what you're saying-- I think for me, it's definitely been the "equality" part where there's no inherent-gendered expectations because I very much do *not* like slash with super-imposed gender roles.